Asking Questions - Presentation Transcript
Property Brokers 27 July 2011
John was recently asked to speak at a function hosted by Property Brokers in Havelock and shared this perspective.
Questions
One thing I notice is that us so called “professionals” tend to have arrived where we are through a range of experiences that presumably we have learnt from. I use the term “professionals” in its generic sense, rather than in terms of a corporate brand.
Another thing I notice is that as we get older, we become more confident and can start to assume that others will benefit from listening to us share our respective wisdom. I see some truth in that but suggest that the way we go about creating the opportunity for sharing is very important.
Part of our value as individuals is our ability to add value to the lives of others. Most of us accept this responsibility or recognise the opportunity, in relation to our roles as a parent. In my view, too many people fail to recognise this in relation to others and particularly to people in their formative years. I am not talking here just about developing up and coming professionals. It is a bigger issue than that.
Before someone can become a confident and successful professional, he or she needs to become a confident and focused individual. Good parenting is very important. But this alone will not produce a confident individual. A good education is important but this may successfully impart knowledge yet fail to instil confidence.
A lack of confidence is the most limiting factor affecting the ability of an individual to achieve their potential. A high level of intelligence, broad knowledge or a practical skill set, do not necessarily result in confidence. Do not assume that people who appear to be doing well are actually happy with where they are at. I am suggesting that we all have a role to play in this.
You may be recognising this in relation to youth, but it is a bigger issue. Many people we come in contact with can benefit from having the opportunity to pick up on the learnings of professionals such as yourselves. This perspective is not big headed. I see it as a reality. What is critically important is the manner in which we choose to share our perspective. The last thing that is required is some condescending ‘older person’ lecturing the supposedly keen to learn.
There is no value in imparting knowledge or sharing experiences with someone who is not really interested or capable of understanding the message.This is why I believe the most important thing we can do is ask questions. If we ask questions we get people to talk with us, rather than listen to us. We get to know their priorities, aspirations, passion and self belief. It is only after developing an understanding of these things that we can have any idea about the relevance of what we may have to share. Anything we have to share needs to be a reinforcing or a redirection of a perspective that has been highlighted to us. It’s all about them. Not about us.
The questions we ask need to be those with a potential to show that we are interested and supportive, not just ‘nosey’. I find that leading questions such as ‘what do you expect to be doing in 5 years’ time?’ or ‘what would you like to be doing in five years?’ are general enough for the answer to highlight direction of travel and the confidence in achieving. The extended time perspective does not put an immediate pressure on the individual.
Once this information is shared with us we are in a position to work out how we support, enthuse or in fact find a vision for the person to focus on.
As Davey Hughes has said in his recently published book “The most important dreams we have are those we have while we are awake.” The main thing is for everyone to have a goal and a direction of travel. That probably sounds just too obvious. Sadly, it is quite common for people to struggle without either. The reason I am sharing this with you is that most of us do not realise our potential to be a positive influence on others. Have you taken the time to chat to your kids’ friends, one to one?
Do you realise how many people struggle to find support within their family or even at their place of work? Do you realise how some parents are challenged by their children having aspirations higher than their own? Incidentally, I have just asked you three questions in a row!
If we are in the right place at the right time and have the right attitude, we can help with this. How can we determine if the time is right? By asking questions. And do not limit this to kids as you think of them. At my age, kids can be anyone under 50. So do not waste the opportunity to add value to the lives of those with whom you come in contact.
The process you use for this is important. You need to be sure to have these conversations on a one to one and not raise the issues in a group. That can be just too intimidating. The tone of voice is very important. We need to be supportive and encouraging and certainly not critical or dominating. Once you have had the opportunity to establish a relationship of trust and support, then I encourage you to make the effort to continue the association. This can be very casual and informal or at least appear to be. It requires focus and commitment.
Don’t let an opportunity like this go. It is you people who will need to make the value an enduring one.
The other aspect of questions I want to share is that we are never too old to benefit from asking questions to enhance our own learnings or understandings. I always think a good meeting is one that I have come from, having changed my view on something, because my awareness has been enhanced.
As we get older there is a big risk that we think we have done it all and know it all. We need to keep learning and this often means we just need to listen with an open mind. However, there is more to learn if we take it a step further and ask questions.
So my message to you this evening is to be aware at all times, of the value in asking questions. This is either to enable you to assist others on their life journey or on fact, to move forward on your own.
There are must much important questions to be asked than “Will you have fries with that?”